Nov
2013
Bedside tables and lessons learned…
Very early in our relationship John and I decided to visit his grandmother who was living in a nursing home on the Gold Coast, Queensland. John had told me about her life – working hard on a large farm beside her husband, raising three children and remaining stoic throughout her time as an farmer’s wife. He described to me their grand farm house and property and how it was eventually lost due to misfortune over the years, and her recovery through this period as she was forced to leave the land. She had lived a full, exciting and turbulent life and her engaging personality was reflected in the delight she had about our visit. One thing had struck us both during this visit… for all her 80+ years here on earth, the only true possession remaining from her life was her bedside table, and that was enough. Sure, she had all the current furniture that was typical for a nursing home, but from her own personal possessions,all she had was her bedside table and some trinkets. She was a happy lady – very happy.
Image courtesy Sweetpea & Willow.
Sixteen years later that visit still serves as a reminder…life isn’t about what possessions you own, your status in society, the car you drive or the suburb you live in. Life is simply about being present, valuing the moment and the people in it. I’m willing to bet that every single person reading this blog today already knows this on some level. Why then is it so easy to forget on a daily basis?
If I kept this learning top of mind I wouldn’t have moments of stress when my bank account dips; concerns about what others may think of me; longings for the latest gadgets; or stress during tough business times. At the end of my days, none of these things will matter.
This was my wonderful dad. He passed away last year, and spent the last few years of his life in a nursing home because he was too immobile for mum to continue to care for him in the family home. As hard as it was to see dad in a nursing home, it also provided some of the best times I spent with him because he was so present to me.
During my visits, all we had was him and me. There were no “things” to distract us. No concerns about the state of the world; no worries about missing deadlines; no questions about what shirt to wear. He didn’t care about any of that, he just remained present to me. Many times he wasn’t even engaged in conversation with me, there was simply a sense that we shared the moment together, and I loved it. It took dad eighty years to find peace in stillness, and how fortunate was I to bear witness to that and learn the lesson much earlier in my life.
When I remove all the needless inner chatter and don’t focus on “things” in my life (and I do this genuinely – not because I think I should!), I become more present to the people around me and the connection is more fulfilling for both of us. This can include my interaction with the checkout person at the supermarket, the person I sit beside at the theatre, an employee, my sons or an old friend. As my parent, this was dad’s greatest gift to me and I am sure he would want me to remember this every day I am part of this wonderful life. I’m trying dad…
John James
November 3, 2013 at 3:19 pm (1 year ago)Just a lovely post!
ReplyLeanne Faulkner
November 4, 2013 at 9:55 am (1 year ago)Thanks John. It’s always great to be able to spend time thinking about dad.
ReplyPeter
November 3, 2013 at 4:14 pm (1 year ago)Awesom!
ReplyLeanne Faulkner
November 4, 2013 at 9:56 am (1 year ago)Thanks Peter!
ReplyJennifer Slaney
November 4, 2013 at 9:47 am (1 year ago)Very heartfelt Leanne , I hope I end up with a very large bedside table !! you have a wonderful ability to paint us all a very clear picture with your words a real talent . Love it !! Jen Slaney xx
ReplyLeanne Faulkner
November 4, 2013 at 9:57 am (1 year ago)Thanks Jen! So lovely of you to stop by. I appreciate your kind words x
Replymelanie
November 4, 2013 at 11:37 am (1 year ago)having been through a very similar situation and still after many years i morn the ‘STUFF’ i no longer have i hope i can take your learning’s on board and let them go.
Thanks Leanne xx
ReplyLeanne Faulkner
November 4, 2013 at 11:40 am (1 year ago)I know what you mean Melanie…like you, my challenge is *remembering* that none of it is important.Thanks for stopping by xx
Replyleah marchant
November 4, 2013 at 1:43 pm (1 year ago)My Dad grew up on a farm,saw war too young.lived through the depression,he saw terrible hardship with his own parents dying young.I was blessed,in hindsight,my dad was happy to teach me to enjoy stillness,just ‘being’ together & to cease the monkeys chattering in my mind! He was quiet,thoughtful whilst my Mum wanted everything now! Even though she had endured hard times too,she was loud,told filfthy jokes & ended leaving Dad & I to travel the world.I’m glad she did did,because that gave me the opportunity to learn from Dad from the age of 11.My point is,I think it comes down to personality,something intrinsict maybe? Another great blog Leanne,thank-u.
ReplyLeanne Faulkner
November 4, 2013 at 4:09 pm (1 year ago)Hi Leah, thanks for your thoughts. Perhaps it’s intrinsic, but I think it has more to do with being insightful and aware. You’ve highlighted that with the experience you had with your dad and now you recognise the value in it. I wonder if the generation before us had the same level of insight as they were living their lives?
Replyleah marchant
November 6, 2013 at 12:59 pm (1 year ago)Thats what I mean by it being ‘a part of you’ that inner desire to find solace from within.The generations that run in our genes didn’t have the 24 hour I-phone,they could knock off work & that would be it.Yes we have to ‘source’ it these days,guess thats why I don’t own a mobile phone! ♥
ReplyLeanne Faulkner
November 7, 2013 at 6:49 am (1 year ago)Yes! A different environment helps with a different thought process…great point xx
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